| FREE KINDLE version, 4-25-12…FREE, I say!! 🙂
PILATE: A Brutal Bible Tale,
is the story of Pilate, a drug lord vampire in this re-telling of Christ‘s final days set in modern times in a Midwest American ghetto. When given another chance to save the Earth’s new female Christ, will the re-incarnated Pilate choose to protect Her, or wash his hands in this life as in his first. Be warned: The Harbor is wicked. The violence is graphic and brutal. The terror is palpable. Pilate is not your parents’ bible story.
The Place In BetweenPRINT: When Del is sent pictures of his wife’s latest affair, he reasons a .45 caliber bullet will answer his problems. Del wants to seek revenge. Sure enough a demon shows up with her silky-sweet promises. Then the medical ambiance twists dark and cruel beyond anything any one of them could’ve imagined.Please Note: Steven Rage’s literary assaults contain graphic violence, illicit drug use, non-consensual extreme sex, and potentially offensive material given the religious references. Be forewarned … Brutal Bible Tales are not for the faint of heart. NC-17.
Rotten Little Animals
Imagine you are a typical 13 year old boy, just glancing out of your bedroom window. Just daydreaming, drifting along, watching the neighbor lady with sugar MILF plums dancing around in your fevered little head, when something in the adjacent yard catches your eye. Something truly strange. A movie being filmed. With animals. By animals. Talking, acting, filming, directing. And just when your young mind begins to register the shock of that crazy scene, the animal production crew notices YOU. Oh, no. Humans can’t know that ALL animals can talk. Nature’s delicate balance will be thrown completely out of whack. It is the animal world’s only real Law and the film crew just broke it.
The boy must be silenced.
Therein lies the heart and guts of this wickedly funny Bizarro novella from newcomer Kevin Shamel. With Dirty Rat, Filthy Pig, Scaredy Cat and many other marvelous animal characters, Shamel paints his imaginary (we hope!) world of liquor guzzling, dope doing, coital fiending, ultra-violent animals that will make you show a wee bit more respect and love to Fido and Fluffy than you might normally give them.
The pacing of the story is superb and the descent into this mad world was just right. My hat’s off, once again, to the Bizarro folks at Eraserhead for another gem of a tale (tail?).
Kevin Shamel’s “Rotten Little Animals” is more fun to read than a barrel full of drunken monkeys and randier than a lab full of stoned test bunnies.
Now, if you will excuse me. The Reverend had better take his pit bull, Bennie, out for a nice long walk. You know… just in case.
“Here, Bennie! Daddy loves you…”
Carnageland
Jeez-O-Petes! I’m telling you, Eraserhead Press has such an uncanny knack for mining new writing talent. In Carnageland author David Barbee showcases his talent in a tale that kept me turning the pages and chuckling delightfully. BTW, have you ever seen the Reverend chuckle delightfully? It’s pretty Mary. Don’t tell anyone.
The alien invader, 898, has been assigned to violently soften up Carnageland prior to the full scale invasion. Carnageland is a world who’s inhabitants seem to mimic all of our favorite childhood stories. And not just Rapunzle and dwarves and flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz and whatnot, but also Bizarro versions of Peter Pan pirates and even ol’ Harry Potter and his pals.
898 has to slice and dice his way through these popular characters and many, many others (the wizches were superb). 898 must rid any and all opposition to the forthcoming invasion. It is 898’s first mission and he must succeed. Glory and a nice little promotion are on the line. 898 tackles his task with much vim, vigor and splattered bits and pieces.
My favorite ‘character’ in Carnageland has got to be 898’s weapon of choice: the DOOMSHOOTER! What’s so cool about this alien gun is that every foe encountered gets shot with a completely new, weird and wonderfully violent means of dispatch. All kinds of crazy things emerges from the business end of said Doomshooter. I don’t want to tell you all the awesome stuff that comes out… that was a big chunk of the fun for the Reverend. I don’t want to take that away from you. It would be a sin and awfully hypocritical of me, so…
For a reader as jaded as Rage, this fun Bizarro tale was a breath of fresh air.
Archelon Ranch
What happens to an author’s characters when their services are no longer required? Will they accept their increasingly anemic demise? Or will they break out and attempt to be something more?
This is the premise (at least my interpretation) of Bizarro Beef Cake Garrett Cooks’s Archelon Ranch.
The story is told from Clyde‘s POV. Which is interesting being that Clyde is Bernard’s brother. Bernard, not Clyde, is the annointed protagonist in this tale. Bernard doesn’t appreciate it though. Archelon Ranch is Bernard’s destiny, but Clyde’s going there too. Whether Garrett Cook (the author and therefore god of this book) likes it or not. Cheeky monkey!
Filled with weird characters such as self-aware headgear, rabid dinos, gilawalruses, a self-absorbed Rev. (may the plot preserve us), randy cannibal Suburbanites and the worst shopping mall you have ever been to.
Archelon Ranch is a crazy weird tale penned by the crazy weird Bizarro pulp-smith Garrett Cook and all he wants is a little Objectivity.
Here’s a little taste of the pasta sauce: “There is no future for the drowned, no body for this casket. There are no attendees for this funeral. There are no readers for these poems.”
Shoot, son! That’s some gorgeous filth right there.
And ain’t you glad he did.
You Morbid Westphal
when it comes to the grotesque and bizarre, rage thinks outside the pine box (casket, that is). this is a short but tasty little treat for those who like their literature to run on the sick and twisted side. as with his book about pilate, rage combines a knowledge of modern street/drug culture and slang with an intelligent wit and a lyrical sense of prose. although written in prose, it has a certain poetic flow that maintains the sick depravity you expect to see in rage’s work. it’s short, but complete unto itself. it doesn’t need to be any longer than it is…and it almost comes off as reading like a morbid, morose, sick, demented, profane version of The Iliad and The Odyssey (in form, not in content). and it really is worth reading…if you like this kind of sick stuff, which I do. as i said, it’s not just gross…there’s an intelligence and a worthy writing style in rage’s work. it’s hard to explain. all i can say is: if i were ever to be reincarnated as another charlie manson, i would definitely want steven rage in my family. this is an inventive story of woe and regret and sex and things crawling out of notoriously uncomfortable body orafices that is not to be missed. if you like the demented and bizarre, give this short but tasty little number a try. it’s like chicken eyeball soup with entrails for your shriveled, rancid soul.
Shatnerquake
It is Mr. Shatner’s world and we are just in it. There are more William Shatners in Shatnerquake than you can shake a light saber at. My personal fave was the Rescue 911 Shatner, telling all who will listen that this is really happening.
For the Real Shatner, the convention was just one of many he has had to endure. All was going just swell until the worshippers of Bruce Campbell decide to set off a ‘fiction bomb’ with the intention of wiping from the face of the Earth the very existence of Shatner. Instead, the convention is filled to the breaking point with every character Shatner ever played, including himself, himself and even himself. A veritable Shatnerpalooza ensues with convention nerds getting the same dose of violently comic Burk madness as do the Campbellians and the many Shatners themselves.
I was fortunate enough to see the mad hatter in action, doing his one-man Shatnerquake reading/slash/show at the BizarroCon in Portland last year. It was every bit as zany and cool as he is. I laughed my fool head off.
The book is just as fun. Treat yourself to the madcap mayhem as only a Bizarro Brutha like Jeff Burk can do.
Get your Uhura all dolled up in her shortest red uniform dress and set your phasers to stun. Shatnerquake…is…energized!
Piecemeal June
A lovely work of art, bundled with body parts and glued together with secretive secretings. Taking place between two worlds, this debut novella from noir freakmunster Jordan Krall takes the reader to places, perhaps they should not want to go. Fast-paced and in your face, “June” has got it goin on and on and on until all her parts are in one place. Everybody wants June, but whom will she choose when all is said and dead and bludgeoned? Read this tasy bit of crumpet and see if you can keep it down. Try Krall’s “Squid Pulp Blues” available now and “Fistful of Feet” coming soon!Squid Pulp Blues
Murderland Part I – H8
This review is from: Murderland Part I – H8 (Paperback)
This first installment is a thrilling ride through the post-modern American landscape. Serial killers are idolized as pulp heroes, more popular than sports, film and music icons. Jeremy hunts these bloody memebers of the new famous and their potential victims, all while posing as a mild-mannered part-time pharmacist. Jeremy has everyone fooled until he leaves out his incriminating journal…
Garrett Cook’s Murderland series starts off with a big bang boom, baby. Looking forward to the next one!!
Squid Pulp Blues
This review is from: Squid Pulp Blues (Paperback)
Kids these days. But making sure your drugs are free of tentacled marine-life aside, things just keep getting stranger and stranger in Thompson, NJ. Three stories linked together, Jordan Krall’s Squid Pulp Blues is a crime and fun-filled creep-coaster ready to satisfy all your noir, dirty-diaper and midget hooker needs. Check out Piecemeal June and Fistful of Feet coming soon.Piecemeal June |
The Grim Reverend Steven Rage. Read Like The Devil. 
Totally Psychadelic Short Novels You Can Eat In a Weekend!!
Products sampled from this guide:
PILATE: A Brutal Bible Tale,
is the story of Pilate, a drug lord vampire in this re-telling of Christ‘s final days set in modern times in a Midwest American ghetto. When given another chance to save the Earth’s new female Christ, will the re-incarnated Pilate choose to protect Her, or wash his hands in this life as in his first. Be warned: The Harbor is wicked. The violence is graphic and brutal. The terror is palpable. Pilate is not your parents’ bible story.
The Place In BetweenPRINT: When Del is sent pictures of his wife’s latest affair, he reasons a .45 caliber bullet will answer his problems. Del wants to seek revenge. Sure enough a demon shows up with her silky-sweet promises. Then the medical ambiance twists dark and cruel beyond anything any one of them could’ve imagined.Please Note: Steven Rage’s literary assaults contain graphic violence, illicit drug use, non-consensual extreme sex, and potentially offensive material given the religious references. Be forewarned … Brutal Bible Tales are not for the faint of heart. NC-17.
Rotten Little Animals
Imagine you are a typical 13 year old boy, just glancing out of your bedroom window. Just daydreaming, drifting along, watching the neighbor lady with sugar MILF plums dancing around in your fevered little head, when something in the adjacent yard catches your eye. Something truly strange. A movie being filmed. With animals. By animals. Talking, acting, filming, directing. And just when your young mind begins to register the shock of that crazy scene, the animal production crew notices YOU. Oh, no. Humans can’t know that ALL animals can talk. Nature’s delicate balance will be thrown completely out of whack. It is the animal world’s only real Law and the film crew just broke it.
The boy must be silenced.
Therein lies the heart and guts of this wickedly funny Bizarro novella from newcomer Kevin Shamel. With Dirty Rat, Filthy Pig, Scaredy Cat and many other marvelous animal characters, Shamel paints his imaginary (we hope!) world of liquor guzzling, dope doing, coital fiending, ultra-violent animals that will make you show a wee bit more respect and love to Fido and Fluffy than you might normally give them.
The pacing of the story is superb and the descent into this mad world was just right. My hat’s off, once again, to the Bizarro folks at Eraserhead for another gem of a tale (tail?).
Kevin Shamel’s “Rotten Little Animals” is more fun to read than a barrel full of drunken monkeys and randier than a lab full of stoned test bunnies.
Now, if you will excuse me. The Reverend had better take his pit bull, Bennie, out for a nice long walk. You know… just in case.
“Here, Bennie! Daddy loves you…”
Carnageland
Jeez-O-Petes! I’m telling you, Eraserhead Press has such an uncanny knack for mining new writing talent. In Carnageland author David Barbee showcases his talent in a tale that kept me turning the pages and chuckling delightfully. BTW, have you ever seen the Reverend chuckle delightfully? It’s pretty Mary. Don’t tell anyone.
The alien invader, 898, has been assigned to violently soften up Carnageland prior to the full scale invasion. Carnageland is a world who’s inhabitants seem to mimic all of our favorite childhood stories. And not just Rapunzle and dwarves and flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz and whatnot, but also Bizarro versions of Peter Pan pirates and even ol’ Harry Potter and his pals.
898 has to slice and dice his way through these popular characters and many, many others (the wizches were superb). 898 must rid any and all opposition to the forthcoming invasion. It is 898’s first mission and he must succeed. Glory and a nice little promotion are on the line. 898 tackles his task with much vim, vigor and splattered bits and pieces.
My favorite ‘character’ in Carnageland has got to be 898’s weapon of choice: the DOOMSHOOTER! What’s so cool about this alien gun is that every foe encountered gets shot with a completely new, weird and wonderfully violent means of dispatch. All kinds of crazy things emerges from the business end of said Doomshooter. I don’t want to tell you all the awesome stuff that comes out… that was a big chunk of the fun for the Reverend. I don’t want to take that away from you. It would be a sin and awfully hypocritical of me, so…
For a reader as jaded as Rage, this fun Bizarro tale was a breath of fresh air.
Archelon Ranch
What happens to an author’s characters when their services are no longer required? Will they accept their increasingly anemic demise? Or will they break out and attempt to be something more?
This is the premise (at least my interpretation) of Bizarro Beef Cake Garrett Cooks’s Archelon Ranch.
The story is told from Clyde‘s POV. Which is interesting being that Clyde is Bernard’s brother. Bernard, not Clyde, is the annointed protagonist in this tale. Bernard doesn’t appreciate it though. Archelon Ranch is Bernard’s destiny, but Clyde’s going there too. Whether Garrett Cook (the author and therefore god of this book) likes it or not. Cheeky monkey!
Filled with weird characters such as self-aware headgear, rabid dinos, gilawalruses, a self-absorbed Rev. (may the plot preserve us), randy cannibal Suburbanites and the worst shopping mall you have ever been to.
Archelon Ranch is a crazy weird tale penned by the crazy weird Bizarro pulp-smith Garrett Cook and all he wants is a little Objectivity.
Here’s a little taste of the pasta sauce: “There is no future for the drowned, no body for this casket. There are no attendees for this funeral. There are no readers for these poems.”
Shoot, son! That’s some gorgeous filth right there.
And ain’t you glad he did.
You Morbid Westphal
when it comes to the grotesque and bizarre, rage thinks outside the pine box (casket, that is). this is a short but tasty little treat for those who like their literature to run on the sick and twisted side. as with his book about pilate, rage combines a knowledge of modern street/drug culture and slang with an intelligent wit and a lyrical sense of prose. although written in prose, it has a certain poetic flow that maintains the sick depravity you expect to see in rage’s work. it’s short, but complete unto itself. it doesn’t need to be any longer than it is…and it almost comes off as reading like a morbid, morose, sick, demented, profane version of The Iliad and The Odyssey (in form, not in content). and it really is worth reading…if you like this kind of sick stuff, which I do. as i said, it’s not just gross…there’s an intelligence and a worthy writing style in rage’s work. it’s hard to explain. all i can say is: if i were ever to be reincarnated as another charlie manson, i would definitely want steven rage in my family. this is an inventive story of woe and regret and sex and things crawling out of notoriously uncomfortable body orafices that is not to be missed. if you like the demented and bizarre, give this short but tasty little number a try. it’s like chicken eyeball soup with entrails for your shriveled, rancid soul.
Shatnerquake
It is Mr. Shatner’s world and we are just in it. There are more William Shatners in Shatnerquake than you can shake a light saber at. My personal fave was the Rescue 911 Shatner, telling all who will listen that this is really happening.
For the Real Shatner, the convention was just one of many he has had to endure. All was going just swell until the worshippers of Bruce Campbell decide to set off a ‘fiction bomb’ with the intention of wiping from the face of the Earth the very existence of Shatner. Instead, the convention is filled to the breaking point with every character Shatner ever played, including himself, himself and even himself. A veritable Shatnerpalooza ensues with convention nerds getting the same dose of violently comic Burk madness as do the Campbellians and the many Shatners themselves.
I was fortunate enough to see the mad hatter in action, doing his one-man Shatnerquake reading/slash/show at the BizarroCon in Portland last year. It was every bit as zany and cool as he is. I laughed my fool head off.
The book is just as fun. Treat yourself to the madcap mayhem as only a Bizarro Brutha like Jeff Burk can do.
Get your Uhura all dolled up in her shortest red uniform dress and set your phasers to stun. Shatnerquake…is…energized!
Piecemeal June
A lovely work of art, bundled with body parts and glued together with secretive secretings. Taking place between two worlds, this debut novella from noir freakmunster Jordan Krall takes the reader to places, perhaps they should not want to go. Fast-paced and in your face, “June” has got it goin on and on and on until all her parts are in one place. Everybody wants June, but whom will she choose when all is said and dead and bludgeoned? Read this tasy bit of crumpet and see if you can keep it down. Try Krall’s “Squid Pulp Blues” available now and “Fistful of Feet” coming soon!Squid Pulp Blues
Murderland Part I – H8
This review is from: Murderland Part I – H8 (Paperback)
This first installment is a thrilling ride through the post-modern American landscape. Serial killers are idolized as pulp heroes, more popular than sports, film and music icons. Jeremy hunts these bloody memebers of the new famous and their potential victims, all while posing as a mild-mannered part-time pharmacist. Jeremy has everyone fooled until he leaves out his incriminating journal…
Garrett Cook’s Murderland series starts off with a big bang boom, baby. Looking forward to the next one!!
Squid Pulp Blues
This review is from: Squid Pulp Blues (Paperback)
Kids these days. But making sure your drugs are free of tentacled marine-life aside, things just keep getting stranger and stranger in Thompson, NJ. Three stories linked together, Jordan Krall’s Squid Pulp Blues is a crime and fun-filled creep-coaster ready to satisfy all your noir, dirty-diaper and midget hooker needs. Check out Piecemeal June and Fistful of Feet coming soon.Piecemeal June
***ATTN: Sick Freaks and Fans of Rage***...For the love of all that's unholy, PLEASE 'SHARE' my dark shit with all your friends and enemies. Hit the button below. Thank you! (finally...some help around here...) ;)
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